Endometriosis.
Not familiar with the word? Don’t worry, I wasn’t either at
first. But before I get too much into it, let me rewind a bit and explain
myself.
Right before last December, Thomas and I decided that we wanted
to get off birth control and start trying for a baby! It was a big decision,
one that we had intended to wait a year for. But after four months of marriage,
and the consideration that we were starting a family a little later than most,
we decided to go for it. It just felt right. We thought, “It will be so great
to get pregnant and surprise everyone for Christmas!” Well, little did I know
that the baby making process doesn’t follow plans very well. We were so disappointed
when we didn’t get pregnant by Christmas, but we remembered that it can take
your body a couple of months to readjust after birth control, so we kept trying
every month. We got into charting my ovulation, looking up tips to help us conceive
faster, and prepared ourselves with plenty of pregnancy tests.
As the months went by and the effects of the birth control pills
began to vanish, I began to remember the torture chamber that is my period. I’ve
always had really severe cramps and bleeding since I turned, but experiencing
it again after birth control was worse than I imagined. Still, I put up with it
like I have most my life, and we kept hoping for a baby. Last week however,
things took a turn for the worst.
My family was in town for a reunion, and as we were getting
ready to meet them at church, my period started. I prepared myself with tampons
and medicine like usual and we got to the church. I knew something was wrong
when the tylenol I had taken wasn’t working an hour later. I couldn’t control
the tears anymore and the pain just got worse and worse. I couldn’t even sit up
or see straight. Thomas and I decided to head home and get more medicine as our
family looked on with confusion. At home, the extra medicine didn’t help
either, and without even thinking about it, I began screaming in pain. Why wasn’t
any of the medicine working? I knew I had always had bad periods, but I was
always able to take enough medicine to help the pain. At the point, I had taken
over twice as much as was recommended, and after a quick prayer we decided to
head to the emergency room. Thankfully we were able to get in right away. They
gave me a shot for the pain and the doctor told me I had overdosed and that I
had a condition called endometriosis.
Endo what? I had never heard of that before. They ER sent me
home with some heavy pain meds, and told me to follow up with my personal
doctor. The painkillers helped, but since they were basically narcotics, they
knocked me out and made me feel extremely dizzy. After a few days, I met with
my doctor and she confirmed what the ER had told me. Endometriosis.
I found out that endometriosis is a condition where the
cells/tissue that normally lines the inside of your uterus, grows outside your
uterus instead, causing severely painful cramps when having a period. Basically,
you bleed where you’re not supposed to, causing you to develop scare tissue.
This also can cause blocking of the ovaries, exterior uterus, and fallopian tubes,
causing infertility.
Infertility. A word that I had dreaded hearing since we
started trying for a baby. I couldn’t believe what was happening. I always just
thought that I would get pregnant right away since almost everyone I had ever
known was able to get pregnant no problems. Instead, my heart is heavy knowing that
I’m the reason we’re having a hard time conceiving. I feel betrayed by my own body,
devastated by the fact that this is my lot in life. And although infertility
caused by endometriosis does not definitively mean that we won’t ever conceive,
I know that I’m in for a long and emotional journey. Since learning of my
condition, I’ve found out that women with endometriosis can take several years
to conceive, and that they have to endure painful monthly periods in the
meantime, with only heavy, debilitating drugs to get them through each cycle.
It’s a lot to take in.
But I’m not giving up hope yet. At this point, all we know
is that it’s not impossible, it’s just not likely. That is better than nothing
as far as I’m concerned, and a notion that I’m going to hold onto as we chase
our dream of adding children to our little family. I know it’s not going to be
easy. It’ll will be painful, and sad, and will take a long time. But I’m
willing keep trying.
LA.
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